Vanquishing The NEGATIVITY.Cultivating The POSITIVITY.

let's get the spirit up!

2012-01-24T18:22:00.000Z

was reading the Cardiff Newsletter and found this. see me there? :)

wassalam.

how eagerly would have i sought for the precious,if i did not have them?hence,i shall be grateful.

2012-01-23T00:28:00.001Z

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

yes, i haven't been writing for months. why? simply because i was being lazy (and still am) and i didn't have the time. there's the thing about composing or writing, it's mood-reliant. well, at least that applies in my case. not that i get paid to write anyway, (plus the fact that there weren't any requests for new entries) and so i didn't feel much obliged.

another excuse for not blogging would be - i just lack the knack.

so the few months had been okay, there were equal tons of happiness and miseries. therefore life had been Alhamdulillah, fine.
everything's balanced and neutral.

so the Mother was here during the winter break, the anatomy exam was almost two weeks ago, there's this important Data and Interpretation exam coming up this Thursday (thus, i sincerely hope that everyone can pray for me on this one.aminnnn), new SSC block's starting. what else?..yeah more education-related events coming up, i.e exams and whatnots.
..........
great, now i don't have anything more to write. apparently, i got the accounts simplified without much thought haha.

looks like i need visual assistance to make this entry worth of posting. so here are the pixel-ed moments:

Mama was here for almost two weeks. i miss her :'(

after the anatomy exam, we girls went out for a dinner buffet at Kama Lounge (pardon the dark photos), and impromptu photo shoot was done in the middle of the road! went to Tesco Express and got two packs of cheese for these two beauties;

and i got myself a new teddy, Joongie!

okay, am hitting the bed soon. goodbye.

wassalam. <3

p/s: there wasn't a single wintry snow shower di Cardiff this time around (to my much delight, Alhamdulillah). maka semoga tiadalah salji tahun ini InsyaALLAH. tak tahan sejuk brrrr macam tahun lepas,

bye! :)

dreams --- when they all seem too real, i am frightened.

2011-12-09T22:36:00.003Z

assalamualaikum and greetings.

this week has been really interesting and, strange.
apparently there were too many happenings and some serious decisions were meant to be decided within the shortest of time width.

yet the solution for each, remains hanging until there's finally time to get back to that.
..................................................................................................

anyway, had the strangest dream last night.

i dreamt that the person i've liked for years (more than 10 years) got married to someone else. woke up devastated and found myself weeping and sobbing afterwards.

you know how they say, dream is only a dream. therefore one shouldn't feel too immersed?!

i don't know about that, with this sort of dream, i couldn't help but thought of the possibility.
the possibility in this context equals to the reality, that permits anyone to be married to just anyone without my consent.
ladies and gentlemen, this reality hurts.

after all, it's a one-sided love (or crush?) i have no right whatsoever to cast hopes on that person. why do i feel so sad and downcast again?

dream aside, back to the real world. all this while, i can't stop thinking about that one special individual. i know i'm sounding so silly with this fanatic sort of mentality and all, but that's the truth. i know i haven't seen him for ages, like seriously YEARS, yet the feeling never fades.

the whole hisham clan's knows about this, the extended family members as well (mama, abah and the sisters with their great teasing antiques that led to everyone's knowledge of my mad feeling for that one individual)

i feel so Pathetic with my nonsensical loyalty when it comes to Love.

why did i almost cry whenever i heard of rumors/stories of him getting engaged to some other girl? why did i even vow not to attend his wedding if i would ever be invited?

farah shazana, why do you have to be so dramatic?!

whenever i bring up this matter to my mom, she often says,

'farah, you're out of his league. you're not that sort of person he would be looking at. i'm not talking just the physicality, but more to the qualities. decency, delicacy, even the genetics(family background) part won't be up to his standard. you're lacking in every bit of those. he wants someone with pure kindness and highly-sought-after decency. '

(the above might not be Mama's exact sentences, but her underlying points are retained. and i'm 100% sure she's going to read this, an avid reader of my blog, mama is.

hmmm....guess i should just live on with my un-returned love. not that i have ever professed, hence i'm with the minimal risk of being humiliated kerana Syok Sendiri.

i wonder if that person has ever suspected me liking him? for years, i have tried so hard to conceal my feeling for him. strangely enough, no matter how talkative my nature is, i had actually spoken the least of words to him. i couldn't look at him straight without blushing. haha. those were funny old times, when i was really2x young.

my sisters thought that i was quite obvious with my feeling, because of some funny incidences. haha.
...................................................................................................

what am i doing here instead of revising Neck and Head for my upcoming Anatomy Exam?
i'm so screwed.

oh, come to think of it,
this is actually my first entry about love/crush/feeling on/for a real person.
usually i would profess my love for some Korean celebrities (e.g Jaejoong, Wooyoung, Chansung, 2PM, TVXQ/JYJ etc.) and how i would want to have them as my birthday gifts. lol.

but the truth is, until today i have only really liked a person.

mostly because i've never been approached by anyone, or i don't even think there are people out there who are ever interested in getting to know me.

mama often says,

'lose some weight, do something about your appearance, and insyaALLAH you'll get someone.'
hahaha. funny.
i thought one should love a person for who she is, not her weight. on a serious note, yeah, i should start shedding weight --- for my own health's sake.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us." - Jane Roberts

till the next more meaningful and hopefully
reflective entry,
wassalam.....

here comes the winter season.

2011-12-05T16:06:00.001Z

apparently, this year's snow shower is quite delayed. Alhamdulillah.

yet, the classic manifestations of snowy weather are approaching.
the degrees are decreasing, the air is so chilly and damp.
and the balding trees start to make up the scenery.

it's amazing how i had once mentioned these things as some of my reasons for choosing to study abroad:

'i...would love to witness the snow falling down the sky whilst walking to campus,

i wish to experience staring out the frosted glass window and seeing snow covered ground,

how great would it be to have a cup of tea while listening to arias, accompanied by the amazing swishy beats of snowflakes hitting the roof (infrequently though)."

that was the PAST.
i'm not looking forward for winter these days.
mostly because --- the mobility would often be restricted.

but since my dearest MAMA is coming in less than 2 weeks,
i am a bit excited to see what this winter has in store for me and Mama.

(praying that her flight wont get cancelled/postponed)

till then,
wassalam

so illiterate that i couldn't read the sign?you bet.

2011-11-28T02:25:00.001Z

i've always been quite expressive and straight forward.

but when it comes to close friends,i tend to be so considerate, so forgiving, almost nonchalant.
why,

because i would LOVE to keep the harmonious relationship strong.

but when the love and the consistent-consideration are betrayed,
i got disappointed.

especially when i would get directly bashed/talked down whenever i had done wrong things, i would receive sarcastic texts that were hurtful, whilst that individual would get away whenever he/she'd done things that have clearly jeopardized the friendship.

yet, the great disappointment is never EXPRESSED, instead i would root to consent that i'm always, at least in some ways,IN FAULT.

i felt so remorseful, even felt that my nature, or my own attitudes might had caused the growing distance, i even felt so wrapped up in guilt.

but, i really have had enough of blaming my own nature for the happening. the thought of feeling guilty over things that weren't caused by me, when in fact the faults are contributed by someone else, that thought just kills me straight.

am i that foolish or blind that i couldn't foresee the worst possibilities?

i resent having sleepless nights contemplating and thinking over serious matters.
i hate weeping alone under the duvet whilst finding my own faults.
and like how the water finally boils at certain temperature, my heart behaves the very same way.

i dont go exploding with anger, or screaming around cursing, or even putting my angry face on.
every time i'm mad or disappointed,or feel dissatisfied, i don't really react. i would think deeply. and deep contemplation marks the temperature at which, my water boils.

that doesn't translate into being pretensive, that's just how i deal with nasty things.

it's a popular misconception that when a loquacious/talkative person is mad/feeling sad,
he/she would react in a very explosive way,
the rationale: everyone else has the right to know that there's something bothering him/her.
in other words, he/she is expressive with the inner emotion.

and misconception is indeed, misconception.
and all is due to the nasty 'hasty generalization'.
i say, i'm EXCLUSIVE to the conception despite being talkative, extrovert and all.

i don't hate any subjects, no matter how much i force myself to do so.
a friend is always a friend.
but i wonder, if ever that person stands on the very same position as mine,

would he/she hate, or be completely cool about it?
how would i be perceived?

till then,
oh by the way,

I DON"T APPRECIATE INSINCERITY.

and though once a friend is always a friend,
it's a high time to reassess/reevaluate OUR underlying purpose to befriend.

"friendship based on solely similar interests/styles of thinking never really work for some reasons.it lacks the crucial element---sincerity.hence,there'll be points when you'll observe the truth---the true colors---and by then, it'll be maybe a little, or too much too late.the commendable sort of friendship is the one that's built based on trust, and this one great purpose---Almighty and His Blessings Today and the Day After---"

wassalam.

p/s: i guess i'm not really a i-keep-my-disappointment-to-myself person after all. i realize that this post only makes me look more like i'm a tell-all person.

Iechyd da i chwi yn awr ac yn oesoedd

2011-11-10T23:43:00.002Z

that's the Welsh way of greeting.
the sentence means:

Good Health To You, Now and Forever.
---------------------------------------------------------
(please be aware that there are some abbreviations that you don't need to comprehend, e.g; ASP and SSC.so don't worry xx)

and so it's been exactly a month since the last post.
that's exactly how fast the time flies. the phrase 'in the blink of an eye' to depict the swiftness of time passing is currently semi valid because it's much faster than that. i reckon 'half blink' is finer.

jiffy -_-

Napeloeon I once said,

'There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time.'

at least he managed to find the time to travel and conquest.
-----------------------------------------------------
so what i have been doing all this while?
frankly, i don't really now.
oh,maybe i do. again, i don't know if i do know.
(self perplexing the already perplexed self)

i've been very occupied with the school assignments; from the SSC presentation to tutorial presentation(s), family case study and everything else that's academical.

apart from that, i got this thing called Eid Global Extravaganza celebration (ladies only), the upcoming ASP group work presentation, ASP short written communication skill and .... wait, yeah these are also academical :(

i found myself happy again when i saw the time table for this week; 2 days off (wednesday and friday) big Yay! to that. the first part of the SSC has finally ended and as part of my celebratory activities, i baked my first ever Moist Chocolate Cake!

i'm not a good baker, neither i'm gifted in the field of Patisserie and Dessert.
but as a self-proclaimed newbie,
i consider myself a person with great potential. muahahaha.
(pardon the vanity,it just runs in the family)

i highly deem that indulging in such sweet thing is a great way to celebrate the end of tormented and stressful weeks. guess hyperglycemic is fine after all ;)

raya or Eid was almost a week ago (last Sunday), and i was stuck in my room during the 2nd half of the day finishing the SSC slides :( anyhow, it was a beautiful day, with beautiful weather and moderate, bearable temperature after all.

the helpful kitchen assistants

me and wardah

with haulah,jannah and wardah

two of the housemates

i love her as much as i want to hit her xx

with the senior

nina with two random heads at the back

cam whoring with edy feddy

the beautiful housemates - we're the Keppies!

at Sof's

i personally like this pic ;)

still, nothing beats the jovial Eid celebration in Malaysia; the brilliant Hisham's clan, the scrumptious, absolutely delicious meals by Abah and Mama, the busy Eid morning with the sisters, the warm laughs of the beloved relatives. i MISS home. i MISS my family.

i could feel the Hole. i am feeling the extreme Emptiness without them.
an incomplete jigsaw puzzle, almost that sort of feeling. (you might think that's just a ridiculous instance)

thank God, Mama's coming this December, finally, the big missing jigsaw bit is coming here to complete this shattered jigsaw puzzle board. insyaAllah.

i wish my dearest sister, Farah Alya Muhammad Hisham,
all the best in your upcoming SPM examination!
and may Allah ease the path for you! xx

till the next meaningful entry,
wassalam.

with great love from Keppoch St. , Cardiff

see the Keppoch St. sign there? no, i don't live in a shophouse. the house is along this street.

she feels un-belonged and thinks her life that's filled with despair, is actually the default setting.

2011-10-10T23:23:00.000+01:00

i miss this.
i miss writing.
BUT above all, i miss my family.

and so, till the homesick and love-stricken feeling recede,
only then i'll be posting new meaningful entry(ies).

in fact, i've been so engulfed with internal conflicts/dramas lately. :'(
therefore, i have no wish that my entries shall be stained with unnecessary emotion-filled and attention-seeking posts.
so let's just hope i can dissociate myself ASAP from this escalating/deep drama and return to my normal, wayward self.

till next time,
wassalam.

the 10,000-Hour Rule, rules!

2011-09-19T13:04:00.000+01:00

this is a must-read. a non-fiction that deals with exceptional people --- the outliers.

..............................................................

less than a week till Cardiff. shoot.

Be slow to fall into Friendship; but when Thou art in, continue firm and constant. - Socrates

2011-09-09T15:14:00.000+01:00

the following pictures and entry are specially dedicated to these two people:

Khadijah Husainy Hasbullah and Nurul Amirah Abdul Manab

............................................................................................................

last wednesday,

PPG - after a year.

one year back,

one and a half year back,

2 years back,

the fact that we got to see each other again after a lonesome year was so great.

tapi tak sampai 15 minit pun dapat jumpa bertiga2. yet, the fact that we constantly are keeping in touch with each other is so amazing, boleh kata hari2 mesti berhubung via any sort of means - skype, whatsapp, call, sms or twitter.

oh, i'm so going to miss you two.

what's so interesting is that Mira has always been standing/sitting between me and DJ. maybe dia rasa dok tengah sentiasa adorable kot seperti the pictures below,

or maybe not.hahaha.

thank you Mirah for spending the few days hanging out with me. and thank you for approving my mr Jaejoong's hunk-iness. i told you that he's superbly good looking muahahaha.

dj, i'm happy that i got to see you twice this year! <3 you, and please take care.

till then, wassalam.

p/s: I'd give everything to have this person,

the unnecessary dormancy - explained.

2011-09-05T18:15:00.005+01:00

Salam and ‘eid Mubarak to all Muslims around the world! It feels half great to be back, and

Alas, the urge for blogging is finally realized. (it’s ALAS, since this could be a bad news to some individuals)

Things have been fine lately, the ‘eid was jovial, warm, as typical as how the normal ‘eid would have been celebrated. I sincerely wish y’all,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN!

There ain’t a thing that was Peculiarly Interesting during this sanctuary’s long break, but there were indeed, events that can be deemed as Moderately Intriguing.

Therefore, how should I start off? Which account first? How do I go about writing this entry? Should I go for Chronological or Randomized approach? Well, considering the fact that this entry isn’t supposed to be marked nor reviewed by any panelists, I’m going to write this way - far from Systematic. That’s more convenient.

I’d like to apologize in advance, for

my deteriorating English (balik kampung halaman tidak bercakap English langsung, mencarut pun dalam Melayu Kelantan, buku pun dah lama tak baca),
the could-be-crappy contents,
some incomprehensible statements,
some offensive remarks. (tapi isu ini subjektif, kemungkinan tak offensive pun, menggelabah jek)

#1 - Tale: Spam

For the first time ever, my Facebook comment(s) were reported as spams. It all started when I came upon this one status by ‘A’ (privacy’s concerned), that basically talked about how the standard of his/her profession got mocked due to the ignorance of his/her colleague(s). ‘A’ mentioned the related instances (in quite detail, though with no reference to specific names).

Since the status depicted obvious disappointment and displeasure, it captured the interest of so many readers/friends, that there were many response comments posted. And so, this person, Farah Shazana, was ‘smart’ enough to write her own shares of opinion.

The comments were never made out of respect, especially since I had no idea of whom the status was intended to. Merely cursive, and there were could-be-harsh phrases like ‘taking things for granted’ and ‘undeserving respect’ – they’re all case appropriate and I had even put ‘em in this manner, ‘I’m sorry to say this, but we feel that the respect is somehow undeserving’ (in regards to the mockery, that actually depreciated the standard of high education and the associated profession).

Apparently, ‘A’ was advised to remove his/her status for being ‘quite’ offensive. I pity him/her. Why? A person was denied the Freedom of Speech. Not that I ever classify myself as being liberal or open-minded, or that ‘A’ was at the ‘most’ right position to criticize his/her colleague(s). But, what’s wrong with speaking up?

Is it because we’re Malaysians, hence we’re bound to our rich Eastern cultures, that allows us to only speak to satisfy others? That’s FALLACY.

What’s the point of being so reserved, yet sadly so contained? It’s amazing how we classify/label men nowadays;

The Courageous – The Emotional, The Reserved – The Kind and Considerate.

Frankly, I didn’t really mind with the spam reports, because Acceptance is Subjective. Therefore, I ‘happily’ concur to that. (had only cost me comments removal and temporary account deactivation)

Yes, I was also offended few times with some blog entries, Facebook posts, direct remarks, to the extent that I got so freaking annoyed and angered. Well, I NEED to retain the HUMAN side of me. Now, why am I sounding so desperate to come up with a balanced opinion? Analytical me, again.

I’d like to put it this way then, as long as the:

speaking up/being expressive/courageous/being extremely direct

aren’t contaminated even with a Dash of Hypocrisy/Lie,

they are actually commendable and acceptable. Also, deep Self-Reflection is still fundamental prior to every action that we plan to execute.

#2 – Not a fiction: Gossip

A loquacious person is usually left unrest whenever he/she hears of hot rumors. The urge to spread the fictitious tales is serious, almost like one’s bound to retell stories. So, I had actually made a resolution to lessen the gossip activities (whether listening or conveying), and to try my best to avoid condescending discussions. (Unfortunately, during the recent mini ‘eid gathering at my house, I had sinfully indulged in those. Padan muka, malam tu sleepless due to guilt conscious. I ought to repent) Prophet Muhammad S.A.W said,

"If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." (Muslim)

Sumpah takut.

Anyhow, I had joined an Iftar program this one time, and whilst eating, I got bombarded with ridiculous questions; ‘I heard you’re with this person now, really?’ or ‘Someone saw you going out with guys at Mid’.

That hit me real hard – Speechless, partly angered, definitely humored – Everything was beyond absurd! I was supposedly seen going out with bunch of guys at Mid while I was in Cardiff, and claimed to be involved in a relationship while I have always been Single.

Call me lame or hypocrite all you want. But, despite of my extremely warm personality with no shame whatsoever, I stick to this One Principle: I don’t believe nor consent with the idea of going out for dates, and even coupling prior to marriage. I know I’m not a saint, but I don’t see why I’d want to cross the guidelines set by Islam. Yes, I might have crossed few boundaries here and there, but I’d hope to retain this status quo.

When I asked the askers, who told them so, and how could they believe in such rumors; the witty reply – we don’t buy those, that’s why we’re asking you now. At least, these good friends were being honest (hopefully). It’s disheartening to learn that the rumor vectors aren’t even close enough with me to be equipped with great knowledge on my personal matters. I got curious of the reasons for the gossip spreading, and why are these people finding me that interesting? And the vectors went evasive when confronted.

‘The biggest liar in the world is, They Say.’ –Douglas Malloch-

#3 – Cerita: Change

We’re talking about this one person and rumor has it that this guy has changed for the better. Positive improvement is supposed to be admirable, right? Yet, some people just beg to differ. The Change is condemned. They questioned whether the report was legit. Old negative stories were brought up to deny the sustainability of that person’s positive change. One would say, ‘Nah…that’s temporary.’ Or, ‘I’m not buying it, he’s a hypocrite.’ Or, ‘I’ve known him well too long and I understand him inside out.’

That is Human, who seldom embraces one’s positive change. Often, Human wants solid proof to justify the change. Okay, maybe that person in actual reality is putting up an act, with the purpose of portraying himself as a man of nobility. Maybe, just maybe the slight suspicion is appropriate. This mentality is parallel to Bertolt Brecht’s view on change,

“Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.”

Arnold Bennet with his more pessimistic view claimed,

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”

But why can’t we just be positive, and supportive? Just because we’re not ready to accept the person as a changed man, we are never supposed to pray and wish that that person stays bad, or becomes worse. As a matter of fact, we are envious. Yup, envious with the cruel fact that we ourselves, are not willing to change for better.

The other thing is, we are so concerned on changing the world, but we hardly think of changing ourselves. Aristotle was right,

‘Change in all things is sweet’.

So why should we be so bothered about a changed friend? A changed friend with better personality and great attitudes?

Wait, who are we condemning again?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

And so, these were not great accounts. But I’ve always wanted to share on this sort of things. It’s been a while since I had last shared on my perspectives on serious matters anyhow. Irrelevant? That’s fine.

Till then, Wassalam.

p/s: I don’t feel like going back to UK anytime soon :’(

another p/s: i need this for my birthday

deeply in love <3

(everything in blue looks fine ;)

oh,the porous heart.the heart leaks for the nth time.hence,heartache.

2011-08-15T20:18:00.000+01:00

like how we often say,heart plays vital role in keeping one alive.
that's why when the heart breaks, one would find it hard to keep on living.

yet, the strong ones persist, and will eventually attain the survival.

why?

because they cultivate their own sets of myocytes, to keep their hearts beating and prolong the myogenic contraction. with great faith in Almighty and incessant prayers, as incessant as the influx of Ca2+ ions, these strong-willed person manage to survive the heart breaks.

'wait,you can't simply cultivate your own sets of myocytes.that's absurd.'

oh,forget the literal 'myocytes', figurative language is always more meaningful.

outsmarted by the sisters-'they have better sense of humor' edition

2011-08-06T18:42:00.000+01:00

Ramadhan al-Mubarak to all Muslims around the world!

this time of the year is here again, and shall be filled with a lot of devotion toward the Almighty.
in this blessed month of Ramadhan,the month of Repentance, let us all work hard to erase our sins, to purify our souls, so to attain the much wanted blessings and Paradise.

Praise to ALLAH, the Almighty.

(It was) the month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Qur’aan, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion (between right and wrong). So whoever of you sights (the crescent on the first night of) the month (of Ramadan i.e. is present at his home), he must observe Sawm (fasts) that month…”
- [al-Baqarah 2:185]

let's abstain in the truest and most sincere way of abstinence,insyaALLAH.

p/s:my younger sisters really have beter sense of humor than me,(and i believe this skill has just been acquired lately, and newly-acquired skill does not often last). in dire need to deposit more practical jokes into my Comic Account.

technology keeps us part - the higher edge one provides edgier quality.

2011-07-25T16:53:00.001+01:00

a text messaging session with a close friend, AID who was formerly known as minah mat salleh campur among her former schoolmates. yet AID claims that she is very much Malay looking.

Arnie Drew: check your inbox. xoxo
Me: which inbox?
Arnie Drew: your email. the one with @live.com.
Me: ok. anything worth of urgency?

(5 minutes later)
Arnie Drew: got my email?
Me: looking at the streamyx's dial up window. connecting in approx. 2 mins.

(5 minutes later)
Arnie Drew: so what do you think?
Me: still not connected to the internet.
Arnie Drew: upgrade the service, the width band, your computer or whatevs if you have to.
Me: ..........the speed is quite fine i deem.here is bangi anyway.
Arnie Drew: fine?we call this - SLOW - hmm,it's either the internet at my place is super fast or you're Neanderthal.
Me:i'm fine being a Neanderthal, booooo.

(after another set of 5 minutes)
Me: connected. am about to check the inbox. so, what am i expecting?
Arnie Drew: just read the freaking email.
Me: hope that this ain't gonna be another 'one-dot' with 'a single hi-as the subject' email from you.
Arnie Drew: i'm over that sorta impractical email jokes. all grown up. and very much matured.
Me: am looking at the subject title now. 'friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love'. wow, digging Austen's pieces now?
Arnie Drew: whoa, you're fast. you can tell an Austen's in mere seconds. lit-freak.
Me: haha. one of ICD's fav quotes that is. only had ICD substituted the 'pangs' with 'fangs'. told ICD that 'fangs' couldn't be the word and that person said, 'i wear lip balm on my fangs.'

(5 seconds later)
Me: am looking at the email now. i feel like a dupe. thanks, you got me again, for the zillionth time.
Arnie Drew: typical ICD. so immature.....what? i'm just suck with words, no fooling intention.
Me: yeah right, figured that. but what's with ' .. ' this time around (2 dots)?
Arnie Drew: i thought you 'got' the message. it's a code.
Me: should i hire someone to decipher this too-minuted email? haha. you know am bad at this.
Arnie Drew: it's straight forward yet you can't tell.
Me: top up nak habis, sila berterus terang.
Arnie Drew: baiklah cik Farah Shazana. it means, 'i'm a Dot-ing friend.'
Me: erk,ok i can see the you're-vaining-that-you're-a-doting-friend-and-yes-you-are. but seriously, 2 DOTS??!!! that's insufficient doting personality.
Arnie Drew: farah shazana, what, you're into Quantity now? Quantity is not even a mere presentation of emotion/feelings.
Me: haha. got it. but next time if you were to 'dot' me an email, do it in bigger font. size of a typical zit would do.
Arnie Drew: LOL. anyway, am off to class now. will text later. xoxo
Me: xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo too. yep, i'm into Quantity now. look at the many x's and o's there.

i'm nocturnal - discovered after exactly 3 weeks of sleepless nights

2011-07-21T21:20:00.000+01:00

friends.secrets.selfish.liars.
band 'em all and they'll become - an ACT.

[it's painful]

when there's nothing to do,but to dwell in boredom,leisurely.

2011-07-15T07:00:00.002+01:00

assalamualaikum and howdie y'all doing?

hope the earthlings are fine and healthy.
i went to KMB yesterday to accompany my successor, another Farah enrolling in IB program. despite the much concern on how the two years of foundation programme will be a gruesome one, she was positive that she will do well. and this girl, Farah Hanisah Muhammad Hisham is one hella an intelligent kid (please puke), whose interest is never biology, thus had decided all along that she'd do engineering or anything else that ain't biology related.

i love the fact that we have none of the typical resemblances of siblings, yet we don't really have distinctive personality and interests, she's a great companion of mine. and now that she has left for KMB, i am now alone. what a 'great' way to spend the summer break.

i had a great time visiting the college, the lovely teachers and staff. within 9 months, the teachers have unsuprisingly, aged beautifully. they gave us (aiman, edy and me) the much longed for heartwarming welcome, great advices, from the tale of 'a cup of coffee' to hilarious chats with the them, everything was really really super fine.

anyhow, i happened to watch an Italian pantomime this morning, and i couldn't help but focused on this Pierrot character. i'm not a fan of clown and i even had once thought that i have Coulrophobia. i used to hate every mascot or dressed up people. but this Pierrot thing is really super interesting, with the capability to bring you the eerie feel - goosebumps.

there's something really mythical yet with overflowing of sensitivity, this Pierrot. the fact that some artists use Pierrot as their alter-ego equally intrigues me. why would a person sets a clown as his other persona?

i don't know why, what i can say is, men are with complex characters. like how some men love eating meats, some only eat vegetables, the extreme few opt for cannibalism - there isn't a concrete explanation to each of those.

whatever it is, Pierrot is a form of visual art and like any other art form, it is subjected to utmost subjectivity and creativity. one may find it as a beauty, one may find it as a mystery. anyhow, i love this Pierrot song by this Korean band, JYJ.

who cares if it isn't related to the above serious notes on Pierrot? HAHAHA.

till then,

wassalam.

i opt for unconventionality -- at most times

2011-07-06T13:48:00.000+01:00

what's so great of being home?
everything is well-catered, and free of charge.well,almost everything.
and the love - family - is here, and that matters above all.
.........................................................................................................

i've always wanted to write lengthier or more meaningful entries only to become stuck and only to end up with words that are never parallel with the initial thoughts. occasionally, after i click the 'Publish Post' button then the 'View Blog' button, i would notice how the entry (ies) is/are written in such tangles and heavily winded --almost unresolved.

this is well exuded through this entry - a perfect instance of how the uncanny blogs - and the uncanny, wayward person herself is actually perplexed with her own writings.

see there?

another perfect instance of a person who has loads to tell, yet put littlest effort to do so in the right manner - straight, direct or simple.

till the next meaningful and more concise entry.
wassalam.

liquor isn't the only thing that'd make one high

2011-07-04T10:52:00.000+01:00

yes, i have another blog.
and that other sanctuary,believe it or not,is now my source of income.

p/s: this blog will not be abandoned, though may be set to Dormant mode from time to time.

when everything fails its expectation

2011-06-28T09:43:00.000+01:00

semenjak balik ini,pelbagai pertanyaan pelik yang diutarakan kepada yours truly,antaranya:

a)apasal orang lain balik overseas makin kecik,farah maintain je besar?bukan sana susah cari makan?
b)apasal muka naik jerawat ni,bukan sana udara bersih ke,air pun bersih?
c)apasal gelap sangat ni,bukan sana sejuk ke,takde matahari sangat?

cubalah bagi komen membina sikit,seperti:

a)lama tak jumpa,farah makin lawa lah sekarang
b)farah!you're finally back!the world without you is like the world without the sun!

or at least
c)we've been missing you sangat2,happy sangat farah balik.

looks like 9 months of non-existence tidak meninggalkan impak atau kesan yang mendalam dalam jiwa sesetengah individu.

anyhow,i love being home,everything about here is soothing,comforting and homey.
and quite frankly,i miss the 'critics', they have their own unconventional way of expressing how greatly i've been missed.

wassalam.

p/s:the result was fine,i passed alhamdulillah.another 4 years in Cardiff hopefully!

i'm prone to mishaps and challenges,but what's life without tests?

2011-06-23T14:25:00.003+01:00

survived series of unfortunate, yet 'expected' events,but still the patience ought to be enhanced.
the result is almost here,and i'm scared to death.

the exact feeling can be well described like either having your

a)head nearly decapitated by the sharp shiny guillotine, or
b)index finger brought so close to the blade of paper trimmer, or
c)neck almost quartered by the gallows.

AND your good (or at least a pass) exam result is the only key to escape the deadly execution.

i'm not going to say that i'm exaggerating, i see to the reality via this overdramatic mentality.

so what i can do now is just PRAY and PRAY and PRAY.
and that's exactly how you too,yes you (whoever's reading this) can help me.

wassalam.

with loads to tell,but just not yet.

2011-06-20T00:15:00.001+01:00

D-day is tomorrow. praying for safe journey. amin.

relapse --- behind the scene.

2011-06-12T21:52:00.000+01:00

after more than a month i got my facebook deactivated, today it's finally reactivated. i was trying to inform the classmates on mr. guna's (my former mentor) worsening and critical health condition, that he's in ICU and still unconscious. but whilst trying to text every single m08an this morning, i had realized that i either don't have some of the numbers, or the existing numbers are just out of reach. hence, i rooted for the most (apparently) convenient means, that is - Facebook. it's amazing how cutting edge technology works - pm'ed the classmates and got immediate responses afterwards; an occurrence that i might never attain from normal mobile text messaging.

now,i'm officially back,and it seems like facebook ain't fun anymore. maybe i need more times before fully relapsing to the supposedly exciting world of facebook. i laughed at the fact that my mama actively stalks at people's profiles through facebook, and would briefly inform me on the latest juicy scoops - based on her findings from the stalkings. dan mama tahu lots, yup lots.

got final house viewing tomorrow, and hope the packing boxes will be here soon.
till the next entry,

wassalam.

my mum stays up the whole night to play..Solitaire?

2011-06-04T18:30:00.000+01:00

and how cool is that? when she's tired with the laptop Solitaire, she roots for the alternative,
the handphone Solitaire.

when asked what she loves the most about the game and she said,

"i like numbers. numbers fascinate me."

that makes sense,she's a statistics teacher after all.

anyhow,had quite an enjoyable day in my room today,spent hours skyping with family and dj, whatsapping with mira and composing 'interesting notes'. hahaha.

i'm off too london tomorrow, Bristol on the 10th, and finally Malaysia on the 20th!
yeayyeayyeayyeayyeay!

the pressure to conform with the 'Passing' standard is killing me.

2011-05-29T16:13:00.000+01:00

it's hard making sense of each thing,my numerous attempts always become the failed ones.
there are even times when i wish everything is self-explanatory;where i do not have to contemplate, evaluate, decipher the underlying reasons or codes behind the happenings.

BUT things do not happen that way, never they will be straight forward. that's why men are here for, to figure out the hidden of the happenings.

22 days and counting.

utterly awkward.

2011-05-23T17:05:00.002+01:00

i despise exam.

full stop.

i want dates,i mean the food-dates.

2011-05-21T05:56:00.000+01:00

this is 5AM in the morning.
terang benderang.

pukul 9 malam pun macam ni jugak rupanya. kalau jadi vampire, tak keluar2 coffin la nampaknye.

familiar face(s) in a foreign place;nothing beats that (at least for this moment)

2011-05-19T18:31:00.003+01:00

masa dua tahun kat Kolej Mara Banting dulu,
IB coordinator tak pernah masuk bilik Farah.

macam mimpi(separa ngeri kerana bilik bersepah kesan exam) pulak,
petang tadi, Puan Noraini, IB coordinator betul-betul masuk tumpang solat kat bilik Farah.
surprise visit wo,kat Banting dulu tak pernah masuk blok F pun.
sekali Senghennydd Hall, Puan Noraini dah jejak.

interesting tak?

(sila komen)

'when that certain piece of home comes to you when you're miles away from your original home,the feeling is just, priceless. and the sudden urge to depart home escalates. that's man - who is never grateful.'

bad things happen when you're least expecting them

2011-05-14T17:05:00.000+01:00

you know that something wrong is going on with you when your GP said this,

'hmm,i can't really tell you what's the exact problem,but i highly suggest that you should go to the hospital for scanning.there could be nothing abnormal,but it's better to just make sure so that you'll be less worried.'

gosh,and now i am more worried.

loneliness is the ultimate poverty

2011-05-13T23:18:00.000+01:00

selama ada kat sini,tak pernah rasa kesunyian yang teramat.
sekarang ni,rasa sunyi yang sampai kerap sangat menangis dalam sehari.
homesick dan peperiksaan yang sangat lah hampir menambahkan lagi air mata.

tapi bila fikir balik,takpelah sunyi sunyi pun, dalam sebulan lagi akan pulang.

lagipun,thomas fuller had once said,

'it's better to be alone than in bad company.'

should i opt for unprecedented step or stick with what they refer to as,common?

2011-05-09T16:57:00.001+01:00

i am well cognizant with my inability to engulf studies and academic facts.my mental capability to store as much knowledge as possible is deteriorating.BUT, unsurprisingly and quite 'unwittingly', i can expel the just- acquired-facts at a very high speed, without the aid of any precursors. or if i were tu put this is in a less perplexed manner,

i tend to forget what i read.oh,and the tendency is really high.

though semi-unrealistic, i had almost blamed the protein a.k.a DNA for this occurrence.

i figured that maybe i got mutated gene sequence(s)

which inhibit(s) the synthesis of certain materials that are important for brain development. these unexpressed and unsynthesized materials in some way, may have prevented my brain from functioning optimally.

another theory that i came up with,

this might be due to retarded gene(s) instead of mutated gene(s),

but after further deliberation, i suppose that i can never put the blame on mutated or retarded genes for my own sluggish brain and slow academic progress.
and if i were to bring this matter to any Brain Research Facilities,

the Brain/Mental Committee would definitely adjudicate on all my stupid theories as total irrelevance to genes, and the professionals would agree that i am just

Retarded.

wassalam.

cannot we just,hope and pray?

2011-05-07T14:34:00.000+01:00

i've been reflecting myself quite extensively these past few days,
and i'm very glad that the reflection moment didn't turn out as a failed attempt.

should i pull off another all-nighter tonight?

2011-05-03T21:23:00.001+01:00

well, it seems like i ought to.
just when i have acquired the will to study and focus,
these things;

migraine and persistent episodes of headaches
(a great combo)

came by and paid me a 'warm' visit.
it almost sounded like an excuse but no, this is purely involuntary.

2 days burnt and only 2 weeks till the final,
oh yeah,i'm doomed.

anyhow, i ought to pray.
insyaALLAH i'll be fine.
amin.

porous heart.that's leaky.

2011-05-03T03:39:00.000+01:00

another unattained goal.
that's what we call-procrastination at its peak.

20062011 - can't wait!

rumors:spread sporadically,never delayed.

2011-05-01T11:13:00.003+01:00

i was informed that i am now a subject of discussion among certain parties or if i put it in a less euphimistic way, i am supposedly, the main character of a certain revolving rumor, specifically i am the villain.

i can only hope that the irresponsible rumors' 'vectors' would stop telling lies and the bystanders, passerbys would please stop listening and shut the condecending talks.

i am taken aback with this one certain character (who apparently plays the good guy) in this role play. owh how i despise the boldness, rudeness and this person's unnecessary need for vengeance. and i thought the matter was resolved, and everyone has moved on. conversely it was an absolute wrong presentiment.

therefore,whatever relationships and connections that i had with this ex-peer priorly are hereby terminated. any appeals won't be necessary and appealing.

anyhow,congratulations for your newly acquired skill-creating fables.

thank you.

reinvigorating.well,perhaps it is.

2011-04-30T16:06:00.000+01:00

just got back from watching Arthur and the movie was very fine.
oh,i need doses of fun fun fun and fun.

anyhow,time to hit back the cruel reality that awaits.

dwelling in deep secrecy whilst submerging in the sea of privacy.

2011-04-27T15:57:00.000+01:00

when life is steering you to Downturn,it's time to reflect.
and i am reflecting.

i would like to take this opportunity to say these:

i am deeply sorry for
*not picking up few calls,
*not texting backs,
*secluding myself from the other earthlings,
*heartless words (partly were intended)
*being an utter disappointment to some people
*not going out (and for rather meditating in my room)

the truth is-
the mode for social/public interactions is currently Dormant.
nonetheless, the Dormant is just Temporary.
so please,

Do Not Worry. I Am Doing Fine.
BUT, my Brain Isn't.

of late night Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream

2011-04-27T01:51:00.000+01:00

my latest addiction is this:

one of my favorite lines from this series;

"i'm not used to impromptu dishonesty. hence,preparation is necessary."

that was sheldon cooper when asked to cover leonard's back from raj.

okay,you might just don't get this.
anyhow,this is what i'm enjoying whilst writing this entry,

yeah i know,this is so wrong.but i prefer to call this as Guilty Pressure.
till the next more meaningful entry,
wassalam.

counting days-home sweet home.

2011-04-25T16:50:00.000+01:00

what i've been missing lately is this:

i have not found any jughead's here.
this just gives me more reason to go back to Malaysia.
owh,
i miss the smell of the IKEA bookshelf and the old book wooden cabinets.
i miss everything that is Home.

like i said,i'm counting the days ;)

my skin got darker,thanks Netherlands! (with half sarcastic tone)

2011-04-23T10:47:00.002+01:00

among the hundreds snapped pictures.

now,back to reality-the unfinished SSC and Spring Exam.

everything comes in handy

2011-04-19T20:44:00.001+01:00

salam..
this is my first blogging attempt via iphone with the aid of Amsterdam's wi-fi.hope the hisham's clan is fine and the earthlings are at the best of health.

lotsa love from Amsterdam ;)

regret.remorse.or whateveryoucallit.

2011-04-17T22:25:00.001+01:00

i had done something stupid these few days.
but it felt really great.
yeah,stupidity can be fun.

at times.

by the way, i'm now head over heels with this actor cum singer,

oh,maybe i'm in love with his character.
can anything be sweeter than this?
intellectual love confession.
awwww
<3 <3 <3

amsterdam,here i come!

lotsa love,

caramel

2011-04-15T22:24:00.002+01:00

macchiato.

it's great to be young.

2011-04-15T21:41:00.000+01:00

got my right eye drugged today.

reminiscing the OshKosh B'Gosh days.

2011-04-10T11:22:00.000+01:00

"what is so great of being Asian?"

"the preconceived assumption that Asians are relatively smart and the conception is Lovable."

"so you think you're smart?"

"no, i think i'm Lovable."

"what's that got to do with the conception of Asians being smart?"

"have you heard of logical induction? I only take the conclusion, not the premises."

the person whose line is in green font was a Pan-asian.
and the respondent was me.
he was deciding which one is better, being a full Asian or Caucasian.

plenty of sunshine but not much time for sun-tans.

2011-04-10T02:20:00.000+01:00

the weather's great,
the temperature at its finest,

yet,saya terperap di dalam bilik buat Health In Society Essay.
kesannya;

i am literally Ageing.

of SSC and HIS essay;the Ketogenic tale.

2011-04-08T01:03:00.001+01:00

and so we met.
to whoever who had suggested me to bear with the uncertain and settle the unsettled,

thank you very much.

i am now feeling less burdened and more at ease.
and i was surprised why did i get so indecisive the days prior.

come to think of it,the contemplation was really a 'great' one;

costed me 1hr long distance call to Malaysia,
i even had to 'whatssapp' with the Mannipal's dearie,
skype chatted with some individuals,
discussed with my chickadees,

all of these were done to (supposedly) help me decide whether i should meet this certain old friend or not.
yeah,i always go for dramatic approach.

me and her,we weren't in a good term.(i shall not elaborate any further)
i can't really describe the fundamental for the distance,

but i am pretty sure that we might had this within us:

the unspoken rage with maybe a mild essence of grudge.
(an outcome when love, death and friendship intersect)

yet in the end of the day,we both realized that the past is the past.
and a regular homo sapien can never turn back time,
(well technically,one can do that during Day Light Saving(DLS), metaphorically then)

i have always liked Kay Lyons quote on time:

'Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is only the cash you have- so spend it wisely'.

therefore, no matter how remorseful or regretful we are about what happened in the past, there's nothing that we can do about it. we should start fresh and just look forward.

wassalam.

hate is not even the correct word to describe it.despise,that is.

2011-04-06T21:16:00.000+01:00

another sleepless night then.

stupid assignments,essays and revisions.
oh wait,no they aren't stupid.
and they don't deserve to be personified.

the 'stupid',is the languid,adjourning me.
mari sama-sama kita menyiapkan kerja yang tertangguh!

one can never bury the past-edition:letting go is the hardest

2011-04-05T20:22:00.000+01:00

but i'm trying here.
at least that one matters.

ought to learn how to embrace the Changes.

2011-04-04T22:46:00.005+01:00

no difference.

chubby dari dulu.

mulut pun senget dari dulu.

suka color biru dari dulu.

oh,dan sentiasa bersama makanan.

apakah signifikan entry ini?

adakah sekadar untuk menghebahkan perihal kecomelan saya sejak kecil?

oh tidak.

(though that could be a relevant reason)

today is just one of those 'reminiscing-the-old' days.

wassalam.

p/s:the result is already out.and i screwed up BIG time.

i've lost the non-existing sanity.

2011-04-02T21:30:00.000+01:00

i resent exams because of this one particular reason - the result.
often i become extremely nervous because of
the preconceived intuition-
i am bound for imminent bad outcomes.

a constant pessimist is always submerged in the pool of negativity.
and that's what i've been - a pessimist.
though the fact that

Vanquishing The NEGATIVITY.Cultivating The Positivity

has been this sanctuary's name and the author's goal for years now.

ICD once said this to me,
'one holds his/her own decisive factor--key--towards any thing he/she has aimed for.
and one sets how the key should be mould to fit the lock--aim--.
yet,how it is set?
mentality and attitude.'

'so what you're saying?the whole key thing,attitude and whatnots are parallel with the induced-fit theory?'

'yeah,the 'lock and key' hypothesis is not applicable in this case because of the varying individuals' atitudes.'

'okay..why are you talking in puzzles by the way?'

'my indirect way of mocking your biology-enzyme study whilst relating that to your unnecessary pessimism.'

haha,those times were those times.
wassalam.

the beloved uncle:his passing.

2011-03-31T22:37:00.000+01:00

was shocked upon receiving news about my dearest uncle's death.
his sad demise is greatly felt.

Al-Fatihah.

it's nice to be invigorated by the windy air and fresh drizzles....Not!

2011-03-31T18:56:00.000+01:00

had a blast watching Chalet girl after the numeracy exam
on the recent Wednesday.

i wouldn't recommend that movie to anyone,because it's solely entertainment,
with no everlasting impacts whatsoever,surprise element is just nil.

but if you're up for something that can liven up your mood,or fulfill your leisure hours,
Chalet girl should be fine.

or if you have hots for Ed Westwick, Chalet girl could be the finest movie for you.
.....................................

and the anatomy exam result is coming out this monday,
hopefully everything'll turn out fine.
berdoa banyak2 semoga lulus dengan jayanya.

this post is specially dedicated to these three persons:
mama, hanis and tok chek.

dearest mama,
happy mother's day!

(di sini 03/04 is the National Mother's Day.)
(and i'm so glad that Mama loves the card that i sent her.)

dearest hanis a.k.a kakak,
congratulations lah anda!
tolong belanja saya apabila saya pulang nanti insyaAllah.

dearest tok chek,
you've been in and out of the hospital recently,
hope that everything's fine and please get well soon!

from left: Hanis, Mama and Tok Chek

(3 generations and obvious proof of genetic variation)

lotsa love,

wassalam

indefinite craving for Choco Pops.

2011-03-29T01:16:00.000+01:00

what can be worse than having a couple of drunken men throwing stones at your window whilst singing to rebecca black's friday?
yes,i'm serious.

it's not that great to have unwanted background music while writing this post,
sung by inebriated and wasted fellows.
and they went,
'party and party and yeah!'

ya Allah,why cant they just go to sleep at this very hour?
or at least,be considerate.
we got other people residing in the very same hall as yours,
and they MOST PROBABLY got tutorials or lectures early next day.

yeah,every single thing that's mentioned in Al-Quran makes sense.

The Noble Qur'an - al-Baqarah 2:219

They ask you (O Muhammad peace be upon him) concerning alcoholic drink and gambling. Say: "In them is a great sin, and (some) benefit for men, but the sin of them is greater than their benefit." And they ask you what they ought to spend. Say: "That which is beyond your needs." Thus Allâh makes clear to you His Laws in order that you may give thought.

alcohol is self-damaging,and i understand this more during my stay in Cardiff.
.............................................................................
but, it's not even weekends now, it's monday for whatever sake!
till then, wassalam and bye.

p/s: confirm dah hilang sense of humor.

*edited post title:i need more cuppa macchiato.

2011-03-27T18:33:00.001+01:00

sejak dari dulu till kebelakangan ini orang selalu cakap,

'farah sombong' atau 'kitorang ingat farah/fasha sombong dulu'.
dan kenyataan-kenyataan sewaktu dengannya di dalam bahasa-bahasa lain.

betul kot.
tak boleh object,but to just nod.

hakikatnya,saya mesra,
i mean mesra alam.

dan fakta yang lagi penting,saya rasa saya lawak.
(geli nak taip)

wassalam.

epitome of a semi failure:saturday.(no this is not another rebecca black's spoof)

2011-03-19T20:49:00.000Z

assalamualaikum and how are the earthlings doing?

had a greatest day today,woke up at 5am,walked to Talybont while the temperature was 0 Celcius.
interesting indeed.
got transported to this place at around 7.45:

Power League 5- A Side Centre

and this was all due to the

CARDIFF EUROPEAN GAMES MALAYSIA

and thanks to that,

I AM NO LONGER A FIRST AID VIRGIN
(this shall not be negatively interpreted),

yeah,and it felt so great.
the excitement was adequate.
and i love the dependency on me.

..............................................................................................................

anyhow,i happened to watch the Lord of The Rings and was really fascinated with the picturesque and beautiful setting.

New Zealand, that is.

and i had a sweet dream last night, though it's rather a nonsensical coincidence, i dreamt that i bumped into my crush whilst vacationing in New Zealand.
the setting was somewhere in Auckland to be exact.

only sadly to be woken up by the stupid alarm sound, which i first thought could be a Maori chant = the soundtrack of my love story.

and because of that, i had it already decided that NZ should make its entry into my top 10 places for honeymoon.

teringin nak berjalan-jalan melihat Mount Cook.
dan juga berjumpa dengan Dan Carter.

p/s: please stop hating rebecca black.am not her fan,but am not her anti as well.

physically betise whilst the idiocy at its best.

2011-03-19T00:49:00.001Z

when everything gets so perplexed
and looks like it requires lengthy explanation
i'd just give up.

because definition and details aren't helpful
at all times.
sometimes, knowing too much and too in-depth
is burdensome
and i wonder why should i bother racking my own brain,
when i can always pick someone's.

........................................................................................

those are the words of a person who
during the edge of exams
decides that she isn't capable in attaining good results
due to her inability to engulf studies and lectures
but she is sheerly great at excreting those
rather than keeping them safe in her precious gray 'thing'
the 'thing' that is guarded and enclosed within her cranium
and she is about to

GIVE UP.

how can the laziness and forsaking hope be so well-coordinated?
i hate this particular parallelism

hence, i shall pray,

Ya Allah,please bless me with perpetual memory and healthy mind,
so that i can discard this unnecessary negativity.
and please bequeath me with strength and powerful determination to strive
along this long and winding road,

Ameen.

would love to be loved,and glad that am loved.

2011-03-14T16:28:00.000Z

i miss these two girls

hope they're doing fine.
may ALLAH bless my two sweethearts.

lotsa love,

Allanfa means Exit

2011-03-12T16:26:00.001Z

I had a great Saturday, and this is why;

Yeay!Sheepy sheep hooray!
(of course that's partly the reason for the Saturday's happy hours)

Finally i could feel at least the tangled and stressed nerves in my brain unwinding themselves,
thanks to the beautiful scenery of St Fagans,

and the equally beautiful two companions, Miss W and Miss N.

(image was not blurred due to the minimal concern on privacy)

Wished Miss E was there to share the rare-occurring-happiness, but an athlete she is, she was away in Sheffield for a netball match :(

And by the way, Allanfa is a Welsh word.
Till the next, and more meaningful entry.
Bye and Wassalam.

p/s: Happy Belated Birthday to my dearest, ever so brilliant sister,

Farah Hanisah Muhammad Hisham!!
Owh, I love you lah kakak!
May ALLAH bless you and good luck with your upcoming SPM result,
and congratulations for finally completing the 3 months PLKN program.

Lotsa love and kisses xxx

Ok, pouting mouth = epic fail.

Stupid me.

today's mission-accomplished!

2011-03-09T14:12:00.000Z

i got myself a new duvet set, and i'm liking it so far.
(it's been 2 hours since i bought this fresh from Primark)

i like my new duvet set since it feels like i've bought two sets instead of one.
the dual pattern is so smart,i can go all grey some days,or i can go all bright and whitey some other days.
or if it's hard to choose,i can go the above way,

fold the duvet in half.and arrange the pillows that way.

today's nice by the way.

wassalam and bye.

p/s: inilah yang benda pertama yang saya beli setelah mendapat elaun daripada pihak penaja tersayang ;)

today's word:non-maleficence.

2011-03-08T20:19:00.002Z

assalamualaikum

and howdie y'all doing?

current mode:

sentiasa berdoa semoga tak fail paper.

and happy kerana tiada kelas esok.

did i tell you that my average score has always been below the whole students' average?

did i tell you that the anatomy exam's hard?

and did i tell you that almost everyone find the questions relatively answerable,

everyone BUT yours truly?

oh yeah,i didn't tell you that.

well, i supposed it's not very essential to publicize my academic downturns, because they might not be as important as the extraperitonial fascia nor the lesser omentum.

oh mr anatomy,i wish that i can resent you,but that would mean i also resent medicine.

and the subsequent resentments only mean that i had chosen the wrong path.

and i ought to believe that i'd made the right decision.

plus,i'm certain that i didn't travel 6,500 miles from malaysia just to fail papers.

till then,wassalam.

p/s: i remember singing to this tune in class when i was 11. and during those years (2000-2003), i only listened to the likes of staind, puddle of mud, creed, linkin park, 3 doors down.

and now i listen to korean songs. yeah, life was darker, back then.

anyhow,this is my all time-favorite ;)

nocturnal due to excessive day sleeps.

2011-02-26T13:42:00.000Z

have i ever told you that i like you?

well, i guess i haven't.
and i won't.
and maybe because i have never liked you.

.awkward.

the new 21-er!

2011-02-23T23:08:00.005Z

thanks for the stunts of altruism by the dearest besties.

you've poured me with
* love*

you fed me with

*the birthday cake plus 8pounds buffet*

you kindly spammed my facebook wall and inbox with
*sweet birthday wishes and prayers*
(although i had deactivated my facebook account for 13 hours of 23rd February)

you made my night by
*long distance phone calls just to wish me happy birthday*

you lavished me with
*birthday gifts*

the Turkey pashmina flown from Ireland

the plenty of blue love that arrived a week in advance

my Baby Peppery

the singing Irish Leprechaun

the badge that would inevitably indicate the 21-er i am

and most importantly,
*you bear with the thought*

touched,purely touched.

yet essentially,
thank you ALLAH for the blessings, the invaluable gift of 20 years of life, everything.

.......

i skipped two lectures this morning due to heavy migraine and i, unfortunately had missed the chance to observe mr. surfer dude's cuteness.
heard that he was acting super adorable today.

.......

p/s:sambutan ulang tahun kelahiran di perantauan tidaklah menghampakan.
cuma ketiadaan keluarga tercinta membuat saya berasa sedikit sedih,
dan ingin menangis.
another p/s:semoga bertambah amal dan pahala.

wassalam.

something's suspicious,but i'm going to put the nonchalant look

2011-02-22T17:42:00.000Z

and they thought i don't have even a glimpse of idea.
hahaha.
tak faham2 betul la mereka ini.
..................................................................................

i've been killing the boredom PM hours with this activity:
watching Malay movies back-to-back with dearest Edy,
whilst revising for anatomy.

and i quite like it.
because only now i start to appreciate the Malaysian's arts(this is definitely overstated),
when all this while,i hadn't even bothered to watch any Malay series, what more movies.

because i, resent everything cliche. i hate routine story lines, the same happy ending though, they are with varying twists.
like how certain story lines are accustomed to have specific ending.
that's typical for Malay movies.

and typical, that is, a branch of boredom.

i used to favor uniformity, routine, the repeating cycle.
but now i wish that life can be asymmetrical, at times.
....................................................................................

anyhow, i find myself going to lectures more often than before,
(and i sleep during lectures more often as well)
and the reason(s) for this could be:

a)the surfer dude
b)superman
c)pure diligence

*wink wink.

oh yeah, i should stop giving people quirk names.
but then, i hate routine,
thus, giving my crushes weird names,
is cute, not routine and unconventional, right?

farah shazana semakin kerap tulis post melagha dan merapu2,
bila lah nak berubah?
aish.
cepatlah buka buku, gluteus maximus sedang menunggu.

oh ye, saya ada anatomy exam this 7th of March.
mohon doakan kejayaan saya.
dan tidak lah fail paper ini, kerana saya tak bersedia untuk dipaksa pulang oleh pihak penaja.
may ALLAH bless you.

wassalam.

ketogenic diet:the assignment,not the actual practice.

2011-02-21T01:29:00.002Z

salam everyone,
hope that everything's in your favor,and life is treating the earthlings well.

university's life hasn't been that great lately,the last-minute pressure to recap and revise for examination+incessant tests is really building up.and yours truly is thrilled with this sudden Elevation of Stress.

and she used to think that she can work well under stress.
hmm.....
only then,the pressure wasn't that extreme.

got two Self-Directed Learning(SDL) slots tomorrow,and i wish to fulfill the hours with 'Real SDL' rather than the other SDL(Sleep all-Day Long). but that's just a wish after all, and if anyone would place a bet that I'd wake up late and have the SDL hours burnt then, that person actually has 85% chance of winning the bet.

anyhow,i went to the Bay again last weekends, the other side of Cardiff, with these noble purposes;
to relieve the stress and deviate my mind from the wayward psyche, the anatomy presentation (thank God it's over) and the upcoming examination.

Subhanallah, the place exudes great beauty, the sea view's splendid, every thing's picturesque, the weather's great, the sky was even greater. the strolling down the bay once again, hadn't fail me.

....krik...krik....krik......

i got so much things to tell, yet couldn't put the words to a string of great account.or maybe the effort is just effortless, or maybe it's just the blogger's block?yeah,the later reason sounds more...appropriate and politically correct.

thus,you can

blame the blogger's block for this lamest entry.

bye and take care!
p/s: i miss Kenny Rogers', not the food, the songs. haha.
another p/s: i can't wait for the upcoming Easter break, and this is why;

yup,it's Amsterdam this time.
insyaALLAH.

till then,

wassalam.

got my sternum divided

2011-02-18T00:58:00.000Z

had a really wonderful time at Porthcawl.
i love the beach.
i love the local people.
i love the fact that i could feel the sea breeze in the toilet.
i really heart Porthcawl.

and i hate tomorrow's anatomy presentation.
oh no, i am bound to love it.
so okay, i love tomorrow's presentation.
can hardly wait.

(sedang berdoa banyak2 semoga semuanya smooth)

you know what i should be feeling right now?
an optimistic to a fault.

wassalam.

elegantly dumbfounded

2011-02-13T16:05:00.000Z

*i love cats*

they said,caffeine hinders you from sleeping,and that's just hypothetical.

2011-02-10T21:55:00.003Z

had the weirdest dream this evening,

my dearest mama and chansung were at the bioscience building, i walked with them to the Bute Park,
and the whole Hisham's clan was there.

we had a nice birthday picnic for mama and chansung(who happen to share the same birthdate), and i heard chansung called my mom, 'mama'.

so much of a visual dream.

anyway,

Happy 50th (doesn't seem like it) Birthday to Zarina Ibrahim,

The best mum in the whole universe,

Could be the prettiest mum too.

May ALLAH bless you forever and always.

And I definitely love you.

(Though it's not 11/2 in UK just yet)

......................................

p/s: to all the february babies around the world, happy belated or advanced birthday to you! and i heard that februarians make the greatest person out of the population. haha.

and chansung, happy birthday to you!
................................................

owh,lupa pula, hari itu ada pertanyaan tentang lagu yang saya suka dengar kebelakangan ini,

therefore,
these are the most played tracks in my itunes lately,

*GD and TOP's 'Jibe Kajima'
*Big Bang's 'A Good Man'
*Junsu's 'Don't Go'
*Il Divo's 'No Hoy Que Ya Esta Aqui'
*Nora's 'Di Persimpangan Dilema'
*Collective Soul's 'The World I Know'
*Randy Travis' 'I Told You So'
*2PM's Even If You Leave Me'
*3 Doors Down's 'Here Without You'
*Carpenters' 'Superstar'

ceh, out of the 10 songs, 4 are korean songs, 1 malay, 1 spanish and only 4 english songs.
padanla tak berapa bagus english saya kebelakangan ini. huahuahua

wassalam.....

engulfed.and then,excreted.

2011-01-23T21:47:00.002Z

and the digits are no longer 20.
therefore,the bitter fact that youth doesn't last is entirely acknowledged.

few months ago,i heard that my same-aged acquaintance is getting married,and the news, unsurprisingly, has spread inter-continents. one word: Happy. yes, i'm happy for her.

i can still recall the years when the primary school uniforms were being worn,and rope skipping was the common recess activity,and the warmth of the custom handshakes we used to give each other after each argument. good times,good times.

i deeply treasure such reminiscences.
why?
because whenever i feel like my youth is draining out,i would let my mind to recollect the sweet old pasts,to replenish my inner youth.the after effect wouldn't be well exuded physically,that's for sure,but i'd still be gratified since the reminiscing moments actually do lift my spirit up.or should i say,youth and freshness,rejuvenated.

but once the wrinkles start to form,the recollection of childhood memories won't be very helpful anymore,and i might most probably root for magical elixir or fountain of youth.
[actually i've been considering that hitherto]
and at that time my alias would then be Ms Desperado.

anyhow,these few weeks have been very unhelpful.

crappyos hecticos idiotus.

=i feel like a crap for doing crap things,when the weeks are supposed to be hectic with schedules and studies.hence,i'm hereby becoming a nearly idiot.

but the first clinical attachment was good,super fine in fact.i got to witness few surgeries,met friendly and warm surgeons,orthopedics,anesthetists,good-looking surgeons as well.

okay,that's maybe why i didn't find the surgeries grisly nor gruesome,because of the appealing,eye candies. ehem, i mean, committed surgeons who had been very soothing and warm.

there was one comment from orthopedic Dr. M (only initial disclosed) that still lingers;

'my dear,it seems like you're too short. would you like us to screw longer prosthetic legs on you?we're professionals, by the way......and very well trusted by patients.'

another operating theatre joke;

'orthopedists at Heath make more money than those of Royal Gwent's, they can afford 4-door ferrari when most of us can only afford the 2-door ones.'

and another one;

'farah,are you sleeping at this very moment?.....oh,i'm sorry,it seems like your eyes are too small and i couldn't really tell your facial expression with that surgery mask on.'

owh,cepat2la graduate dan berjaya supaya boleh bergurau senda di operating room jua seperti mereka.

insyaALLAH.

[totally unrelated with the abovementioned]
i can't kill off my obsession for these 6 fine-looking men.
pathetic teramat kan?

you know what,i don't actually have plenty of time to play,and relax.
thus,i really think that now is the right time for me to start with my anatomy revision,clinical portfolio,and whatever future-career-related activities.

till then,goodbye and wassalam.

lotsa love,

p/s: buat kekasih hati saya, Nurul Amirah Abdul Manab dan Khadijah Husainy Hasbullah,
saya rindu kegilaan kepada anda berdua,jantung hati saya.please take a good care of yourselves,and jangan stress okay.dan tolonglah berasa bangga to have your full names mentioned in this post.

craving for Isabel Allende's but Gray's Anatomy is begging for these hands to flip her open and these small eyes to read her dilligently

2011-01-11T02:41:00.002Z

i used to be so neat,perfectly organized.got all my drawers and cupboards' doors labeled with tags,cleaned my room at least once weekly,inspirational quotes,self made-up motivational sayings,schedules,timetables,grades,notes were all pasted on my wall.i was even dubbed as 'Schematic'.

i used to study for hours and hours every day,didn't even bother to go out during weekends because i was afraid that the hours would be wasted.those were the times.that certain past was when I was 16/17.

but once i hit the college years,the naive,diligent persona instantly fizzled out.i became less organized,i didn't study much,failing grades weren't big deals.the 'Schematic' had then became 'Pathetic'.

this evening,i attempted this thing infamously called 'Meditation', a fail attempt nonetheless.

i could have done something else rather than that in order to attain inner peace, but i was more intrigued to test my ability to fully concentrate and keep my mind devoid of reasoning.i guess meditation will never work for me because this method of relaxation is way too silent.

i think i'm in need of psychiatrist.

i notice that i'm becoming more and more wayward.i talk to myself often now,and if that ain't creepy enough,i actually sleepwalked few nights ago.not that it hadn't happened before.

anyway reverting back too the i-used-to-be-so-different-than-now story,i finally figured out the underlying reason why i had changed.during those years,i had my goals set and my family wasn't in the best of condition.Those years were filled with turbulent,unexpressed anger,extreme sadness,heartbreaks,incessant dramas,i got super burdened and cried almost every single day.
therefore,i had set my goals and among 'em were:straight A's for SPM,awarded with scholarship;overall hopes of a typical 17 year-olds.the goals had me deviated from thinking about the surrounding issues and problems.i got so focused.

however,when i finally had achieved the so called aspirations,i became dreamy,so unconcerned of almost everything.i didn't actually acknowledge this until the end of my semester 2 in college.the turbulents receded,happiness arose.life was really good.

fast forward to '11,things are pretty much going back to how it was used to be.the turbulents are here again,except that i'm now here,and my dearest family,my pillar,the beloveds are there in Malaysia.yet,i can feel the dramas,the heartaches.a lot of things have been running in my head recently: from house hunting drama,financial rundown,failing academics,frequent migraines,to that certain family issue.

Domino's effect.exactly that.

anyhow,the 15-minute contemplation session this evening left me with this interesting solution:

To deviate my psyche from thinking heavily about the problems and turbulents,i shall set up resolutions/goals to achieve,and strategize on the ways to attain 'em.

yet,i vow too never be ignorant,too deviated and too relaxed.
...............................................................................................................................................................

somebody asked me this,what songs do you like the most?
well,apart from all 2pm songs, there are few tunes that I find myself listening to 'em again and again.

my most played tunes in Itunes for the past 5 days are:
1- Ne-Yo's One In A Million (wooyoung's dance punya pasal)
2- The Corrs' All The Love In The World
3- Daughtry's Tennessee Line (a definitely-must-listen)
4- OneWay's Rainy Days
5- Alejandro Sanz's Corazon Partiro
6- 2PM's Gimme The Light
7- Color Me Badd's Wildflower
8- Daughtry's Learn My Lesson
9- 2PM's I Can't
10-Aishah's Melukut Di Tepi Gantang
11-Day26's Since You've Been Gone
12-Beast's Breathe
13-Yohanna's Is It True
14-Eric Benet's The Last Time
15-Awie's Tragedi Oktober (yang ni memang kelakar,gara2 teringat lagu melayu)
16-The Carpenter's Superstar

okay,got to go now,got house viewings tomorrow!
till then,wassalam.